A Twenty-Something's Existential Crisis About Publishing?

The other day I went out for coffee with my parents and my little brother, and among other things we talked about creative career aspirations. They were wondering whether I still wanted to be an author, since when I was a little kid, author was always the first thing on my list of dream jobs. I thought I'd go a bit more in depth about where my thoughts are at now, since they've changed a lot since I was five.

I was sure when I was younger that I would be one of those prodigies that was published at thirteen. My family was super impressed with my writing skill, after all, so I was sure I could wow the world. I never actually got around to that, as much as I stalked the careers of young published authors, but that was okay. I've written before about how I was glad I wasn't a teen published author, for a variety of reasons.

But things change, as they do. There was a while when I was in university that I kind of lost writing for a while. I learned a lot of things about life, but also was frozen with fear and didn't write much of anything for four years, and wondered if I even counted as a writer at all, kind of gave up on the dream for a while. It wasn't until I let go of my fears, perfectionism, and own personal pressures that I could actually enjoy writing again for what it was to me.

And now that I have found myself writing again, and really liking it, a lot, I've reconsidered over the years my thoughts on publishing. For one, I know a lot more about publishing than I did then. When I was younger, publishing was always presented as the obvious next step for someone who loved writing. Now, I understand that loving writing and publishing don't necessarily have to intertwine. I also know now that publishing is a business, first, and being an author is a job. Also, it's a business that doesn't necessarily pay well. Nicole Brinkley recently posted this super informative thread on Twitter on how authors get paid, if you want a glimpse into how a small piece of the business works. Tl;dr VERY few writers are able to work full time as authors. As Nicole put it:

For most authors, writing is a professional hobby—something they love but that cannot pay the bills.

For full-time authors, it’s increasingly important that people buy their books, or they might look up one day to no new book deals, no royalties, and no way to buy groceries.

— Nicole Brinkley @ Winter Institute (@nebrinkley) July 23, 2018

So the question I've been asking myself is, what do I want from this? My dad's question was, could a writer be happy just writing and enjoying that craft, and not pursue publishing at all? When I think about it, I totally think I could. Writing is what I like, after all. 

HOWEVER, I am also aware of how I let fear get in the way a lot of the time. Maybe I'm just too scared of all of the unknowns of pursuing publishing. And I have experienced the joy that can come from sharing stories with a wider audience, and the beautiful connections that can be born out of that. And I'm sure there are tons of lovely new experiences to be had in the path of publishing and pursuing an author career that I'm not even aware of yet.

And then there's the fact that there is not just one way to get your story out there, as so many things on the Internet have demonstrated: serial stories posted on websites, comic stories shared through Tumblr updates, self-published things that rise to stardom...

I don't have a good conclusion other than to say that I don't know? I don't really know what I think about publishing right now. Things I do know: I like writing, and in some way, shape or form, I'm pretty sure I want to use my stories to connect with other people. Whether that be a large or small circle is to be determined.

What are your thoughts on publishing? What kind of creative ways have you seen people get their stories out there? If you have pursued a career as an author, what advice would you have for people pursuing the same career path?

Why I'm Glad I Wasn't A Teen Author

[This post has been sitting in my drafts for a year or more, for no good reason, so I'm posting it now, with some minor edits.]

So before I start, a disclaimer: teen authors (by this I mean published teen writers) are great. There are a ton of them, and as a young teen I collected those names to stuff into my mental box of heroes. (I actually have some blog posts listing teen authors, in fact). I think it is awesome that teens get published young, and I say good for you, if you accomplish something like that.

However.

I wouldn't be surprised if every young teenage writer aspired to get published before their 18th birthday. I daydreamed of it so many times. I would get an agent. People would email me, asking for interviews on how someone so young would get an agent. My local newspaper would have an article about me. My teachers would hold up my book in class. Peers would suddenly be name-dropping my name. "Oh, yeah, I went to school with that girl. Yup, she had poofy hair and didn't talk much, but she was so cool. But yeah, I knew her."

This post is maybe just a way of making myself feel better for not being published as a teen, but I think that's legitimate. I think it's okay to say that I like how my life has turned out, and the reasons for it.

So, here are some reasons why I'm glad I wasn't published as a teen.

1. My writing still has a long way to go

I thought my writing was pretty good (at least my family told me so haha) as a teenager. Maybe it was, comparatively. But when I look back on anything I've written, especially stuff I wrote as a 13-15 year old, I cringe. Everything needs work, as far as I can tell. (And that's just me. I'm sure any critique partners would notice much more). But I'm glad I didn't put that work out into the world and that instead I let myself just write, practicing and improving over time.

2. No pressure

This might not be a good thing, considering how much I don't prioritize my writing, especially when I have schoolwork to do. But I'm glad that I am able to write on my own terms, and don't have to worry about deadlines or anything. I can make my own goals for myself, and jump all over the place with genres and such, and just enjoy writing and creating story and characters.

3. No job

Publishing a book is a business. This is obviously something not a lot of 13-year-olds would realize, and I certainly didn't. But publishing a book is a business, and being an author is a job. What 13-year-old wants that kind of responsibility? I sure didn't.

4. I can still have fun

I've had so much fun with my writing. I enjoy writing, because I do it for me. I enjoy reading, because I do it for me. Once you become an author, you have to be careful of everything you say about books and fellow authors. And your writing is always being picked a part. As a non-professional reader and writer, I have a lot of freedom.

5. I learned a lot

I have had the opportunity to learn so much, about publishing, about writing, about interacting with writerly people online (almost entirely thanks to this blog). If I would have been published at a young age, I think I would have stumbled through a lot of the process, and rather messily at that.

All of that being said, someday I still hope to be published, but I definitely don't think it's too late just because I'm exiting teenagerdom. Being a success at a young age doesn't make you more of a success, which is definitely something that I've had to come to terms with.

Basically I'm just really thankful for the way that my writing and reading and thoughts about both have been developed, as well as my involvement in the online writing community.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts on teen authors? Did you daydream about being one? Do you wish you would have worked harder to be published earlier? 

Editor's note:
So I probably wrote this more than a year ago, since I said I was "exiting teenagerdom", and I have been a legal adult for four years now. To be fair, I never really did the work of trying to get published - writing queries, researching agents, committing to a thing for more than three drafts... But that's because I didn't want to. My 13-year-old self might be horrified at me now - I'm already so old and I still don't have a book out! Sorry, 13-year-old me, I've been busy doing other things, and you know what, it's been great! Also publishing is maybe not all it's cracked up to be! Leave me alone!

Basically, if you happen to be a young writer reading this, just write. Worry about everything else later. 

I'll leave you with this quote from Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird:

"Publication is not all that it is cracked up to be. But writing is.”