I would die to be able to write a song.
Um... maybe not. But sometimes it feels really frustrating that I can't get my feelings out in a way that will display them to the world and tell others what I want to say without just saying things flatly outright like "I was wondering if I would be a different person if I didn't have a sister with Down Syndrome", but saying things like that in a kind of hidden, deep, metaphorical way with haunting melodies to match. And then you can feel and say, with maybe feeling exposed but at least not naked.
So then, as I'm standing in front of the mirror brushing my teeth (yes, these deep contemplative times for me come not when I am looking out over a sunset, but when I am brushing my teeth...) I think: OK. I can't write songs. But, you know, sometimes I write poems.
And the voice inside my head that somehow is able to disagree with me goes: But, a poem? No, just... no. Today, that's not going to work. I can't explain it, but I need the simpleness of lyrics and the comfort of music.
And then I was thinking of books, or I guess fiction, and how that's what I really love to do is write these made-up stories. And even though it's all just out of the thin air of imagination, it's not. It's threads of stories and ideas and thoughts and wonderings, all these things that if I was a songwriter or a (better) poet I would express in songs or poems.
Instead, I insert things into characters and their ideas and their stories and process my experiences and thoughts and beliefs there. And then when my characters are thinking and speaking and being profound I go, "Hey. I believe that too, whaddaya know?" or I just breathe because it's pretty.
Like a fiction song.