Anyway, it's not MY fault my brain is so interesting. I mean, the things it thinks up...
For instance, I could be innocently washing off my bike with Automotive Cleaner and then all of a sudden I am launched into a world where I am an automotive cleaner entrepreneur, and my automotive cleaner has the motto/instruction "For Bikes and Stuff". Then, in this world in my brain, someone uses the cleaner for "and Stuff", it ends badly, and suddenly I am being sued and while being interviewed about this tragedy by the press I tell them that I just used that phrase because I thought it was funny and-
So yeah, I COULD be thinking something as crazy as that (heheh) until my brother could hypothetically spray me with the hose.
Or I could be thinking about all my cool blog readers and my cool blog ideas that are currently simmering, and then I wake up to find myself with a teaspoon of baking soda in my fingers and realizing I've forgotten I'm doubling the recipe for banana chocolate chip muffins AGAIN. I mean, hypothetically, this could be one of my zoningoutitis episodes. Hypothetically. Ahem.
So, with no further ado, THINGS TO LOOK FOR WHEN CONSIDERING YOU COULD POSSIBLY HAVE ZONINGOUTITIS. (Oh, and for those of you who have trouble reading smushedtogetherwords, that's zoning-out-itis).
PEOPLE WAVING A LOT MORE
There is a strange fad sweeping the nation! It's not the weirdness of planking (seriously what the heck is with that?) but an even stranger trend: people are constantly waving their hands in front of your face! This is also usually accompanied by loud, "Hello?? HELLO!?? Um, [Your Name]!?!?!??"
But are you mistaken? Are you sure this isn't just a case of you ZONING OUT, and supposed fad-follower is just trying to get your attention? Examine these situations closely, people!
AN INCREASE IN BAD DRIVING
The number of times lately that you have almost been run over by a car, or a bike, or a bus, or really any moving vehicle, is getting to be too many to count! But, hey, look closer. Was it really the DRIVER of said bike/car/bus/cat? Or maybe you were thinking about how the entire world could be a hologram hiding another planet (kind of like The Matrix) and you stepped of the curb a little too soon.
PEOPLE MUMBLE FREQUENTLY
You have to say "What?" after pretty much every other sentence anyone says to you. You think that people really need to stop mumbling and SPEAK UP. But, wait. Are you REALLY paying attention to what people are saying? Or are you thinking of that bike rack you saw in Calgary that was loop-de-loop shaped, and how it would be really cool if you had a unicycle-riding lemur so it could ride the loops on the rack on its unicycle?
YOU END UP IN STRANGE PLACES A LOT MORE
You are suddenly staring at a teaspoon of baking soda that you don't remember filling up. You find yourself at the fridge, ready to pour yourself a nice cold glass of milk and- wait, why are you holding a plate!? Yeah, if you find yourself standing on a sidewalk somewhere, blinking and then going "How in the world did I get here?" then this is probably how it went:
8 AM LOCATION OF YOU: At home.
8:30AM-1:45 PM: LOCATION OF YOU: In your head.
2:00PM: LOCATION OF YOU: WHOA WHERE AM I!?!?
So, if you notice ANY of these things in your life, I am sorry to inform you but...
You are a sufferer of zoningoutitis. It's okay. We're all in this together. If you feel the need, go see your doctor for extra information and support. But I believe that the best thing for you to do is to reach out to the zoningoutitis sufferer community. We are here for you. We are all friends here, and we can help each other get through this. I promise.
*Disclaimer: I AM NOT A DOCTOR IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. aka I am not qualified to make diagnoses.
Note: all very hypothetical (ahem) imaginings are courtesy of my brain, except for the lemur cyclist one which is courtesy of my brother.