Friday, August 5, 2011

Living Inside Your Head Sometimes Is Harmful to Your Health

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OK, so my imagination already gives me ENOUGH troubles. But somehow it is the root of the cause of another overactiveimaginationitis-related disease. Namely, zoningoutitis. It is also known as "Staring Blankly Into Space" or "Checking Out Of The Normal, Alive World To A More Interesting World Inside The Head". Yeah, there are wikipedia articles on those guys, that's how legitimate they are (ha!).

Anyway, it's not MY fault my brain is so interesting. I mean, the things it thinks up...

For instance, I could be innocently washing off my bike with Automotive Cleaner and then all of a sudden I am launched into a world where I am an automotive cleaner entrepreneur, and my automotive cleaner has the motto/instruction "For Bikes and Stuff". Then, in this world in my brain, someone uses the cleaner for "and Stuff", it ends badly, and suddenly I am being sued and while being interviewed about this tragedy by the press I tell them that I just used that phrase because I thought it was funny and-

So yeah, I COULD be thinking something as crazy as that (heheh) until my brother could hypothetically spray me with the hose.

Or I could be thinking about all my cool blog readers and my cool blog ideas that are currently simmering, and then I wake up to find myself with a teaspoon of baking soda in my fingers and realizing I've forgotten I'm doubling the recipe for banana chocolate chip muffins AGAIN. I mean, hypothetically, this could be one of my zoningoutitis episodes. Hypothetically. Ahem.

So, with no further ado, THINGS TO LOOK FOR WHEN CONSIDERING YOU COULD POSSIBLY HAVE ZONINGOUTITIS. (Oh, and for those of you who have trouble reading smushedtogetherwords, that's zoning-out-itis).

PEOPLE  WAVING A LOT MORE

There is a strange fad sweeping the nation! It's not the weirdness of planking (seriously what the heck is with that?) but an even stranger trend: people are constantly waving their hands in front of your face! This is also usually accompanied by loud, "Hello?? HELLO!?? Um, [Your Name]!?!?!??"

But are you mistaken? Are you sure this isn't just a case of you ZONING OUT, and supposed fad-follower is just trying to get your attention? Examine these situations closely, people!

AN INCREASE IN BAD DRIVING

The number of times lately that you have almost been run over by a car, or a bike, or a bus, or really any moving vehicle, is getting to be too many to count! But, hey, look closer. Was it really the DRIVER of said bike/car/bus/cat? Or maybe you were thinking about how the entire world could be a hologram hiding another planet (kind of like The Matrix) and you stepped of the curb a little too soon.

PEOPLE MUMBLE FREQUENTLY

You have to say "What?" after pretty much every other sentence anyone says to you. You think that people really need to stop mumbling and SPEAK UP. But, wait. Are you REALLY paying attention to what people are saying? Or are you thinking of that bike rack you saw in Calgary that was loop-de-loop shaped, and how it would be really cool if you had a unicycle-riding lemur so it could ride the loops on the rack on its unicycle?

YOU END UP IN STRANGE PLACES A LOT MORE

You are suddenly staring at a teaspoon of baking soda that you don't remember filling up. You find yourself at the fridge, ready to pour yourself a nice cold glass of milk and- wait, why are you holding a plate!? Yeah, if you find yourself standing on a sidewalk somewhere, blinking and then going "How in the world did I get here?" then this is probably how it went:

8 AM LOCATION OF YOU: At home.
8:30AM-1:45 PM: LOCATION OF YOU: In your head.
2:00PM: LOCATION OF YOU: WHOA WHERE AM I!?!?

So, if you notice ANY of these things in your life, I am sorry to inform you but...

You are a sufferer of zoningoutitis. It's okay. We're all in this together. If you feel the need, go see your doctor for extra information and support. But I believe that the best thing for you to do is to reach out to the zoningoutitis sufferer community. We are here for you. We are all friends here, and we can help each other get through this. I promise.

*Disclaimer: I AM NOT A DOCTOR IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. aka I am not qualified to make diagnoses.
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Note: all  very hypothetical (ahem) imaginings are courtesy of my brain, except for the lemur cyclist one which is courtesy of my brother.

6 comments:

  1. New to site (saw you comment on Madeline's interview) and I had to come over and check out your blog.

    You made me laugh the whole post, and you mentioned the Matrix so I'm sold.

    What on earth is planking? My husband was just mumbling about it the other night.

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  2. Oh, and I gave you an Award on my blog-
    http://jennysimaginaryworld.blogspot.com/

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  3. Hilarious post, Gracie. OMG, I can relate to all of this. And I do think about The Matrix often and wonder if the world is really like that after all! No wonder our electric bills are so high!

    I've been known to place an order at a drive through, pay for it, then drive away before I got my food. Halfway home, I realized my mistake and had to drive back. I also paid for gas once, got in my car and hopped on the freeway before I realized that I forgot to pump the gas! And messing up recipes, yep, done that plenty of times. Fun, fun post, Gracie!

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  4. Zoningoutitis is actually a cure for the disease commonly called Toomuchnickjrwillmakeyoucryitis. It happens when you live with a kid who loves Yo Gabba Gabba!, Dora the Explorer, and Max and Ruby and it is thundering and raining out so you have no choice but to sit inside and after hours of blocks and puzzles you really need to get just one chapter done, so you turn on the TV and can't get theme songs out of your head for hours. You. Must. Zone. Out. Or die a slow death from insanity! Thanks for the good laugh...love your post!

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  5. Oh yes, I can so relate to this. Add to the mix badmemoryitis and you have a recipe for never knowing where you're going and what you're doing :)

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  6. @ Jenny: Thank you! Actually, it's funny... I've only seen bits and pieces of The Matrix. :D And I included a link in the post to a wikipedia article about planking. It's very weird... I don't understand it.

    @LynNerd: Haha! I love those stories... so funny!

    @Elizabeth: Thanks! Ah, I see... never thought of it that way but I suppose diseases could be cures for other diseases... ;)

    @Sarah: Sadly enough, tis true... haha. :D

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Hey there! I really treasure every comment... whether it just be a hello or a deeper thought. I love hearing your thoughts! :)

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